


The Curious Case of Cape

by The American Ranger



Category: Zombieland
Genre: Humor, Romance
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2010-08-29
Updated: 2010-10-23
Packaged: 2014-04-22 17:05:51
Rating: T
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,321
Publisher: www.fanfiction.net
Story URL: https://www.fanfiction.net/s/6281375/1/
Author URL: https://www.fanfiction.net/u/2276596/The-American-Ranger
Summary: Columbus meets a very odd survivor, with a mysterious past. He finds her to be a tad bit insane, but still takes a liking to her, along with the rest of the survivors. Horrible summary, trust me!





	1. Chapter 1

**Chapter One-**

**An Unexpected Meeting**

Columbus stood behind Tallahassee as he kicked down the door to a Target they'd found. Both raised their guns, aiming into the darkness. The Southerner tilted his head, then whistled. Three zombies, all girls, stumbled from the inside. All were quickly shot by the duo. They then ran inside, and began checking everywhere for any more zombies. Columbus quickly flicked on a few lights, and found himself staring directly into the eyes of a male zombie. He shot it twice, remembering the double tap, then let out a sigh of relief. Tallahassee's head popped up from behind an aisle.

"Allright, kid, cost's clear. Go piss or whatever." he said, standing up.

"You going to look for your Twinkies?"

"Hell, yeah."

Columbus rolled his eyes, being sure not to let Florida see, then made his way to the restroom. He flipped the switch, noting that there were only two bathrooms. He kicked in one stall, then looked under the other. He didn't see any feet or blood, so he figured he was okay. He unzipped his pants, and went about his business.

He looked over, and realized he was all out of toilet paper. Shit. For the hell of it, he asked aloud:

"Hey could you pass me some toilet paper? I'm out."

Not expecting an answer, Columbus decided to try to read the writing on the stall. It was a hopeless attempt. Even if people had written in decipherable handwriting, it had all been covered in the blood of zombies and humans. He shook his head, then something caught his eyes.

A small, gloved hand, reached under the stall. And it clutched…

…a roll of toilet paper. Not knowing what else to do, Columbus took it. The hand withdrew. He sat in silence for a moment. He decided to make conversation.

"So…you're a survivor, too?"

There was no response from the other stall. Except, he noticed that soft music was playing. He recognized the band as Muse, but he didn't know the song. He was about to ask the person, when they turned the music up. Columbus recognized the song now, 'I Belong To You'. He wasn't a big fan of it, he found it sappy.

The person, whom he realized was female, began to sing along. He zipped up his pants, picking up his gun. He knocked on the door.

"Hey, uh, could you maybe come out of there?" he asked timidly.

The girl sighed in response.

"Why can't you come in here with me?" She asked, innocently. Columbus could only pray she was wearing pants. He pushed open the door.

A small girl, about sixteen, perched on the toilet seat. Her long black hair fell to her waist, where she'd clipped an iPod, which explained the music. He took in her outfit, a purple shirt, with darker purple flames around the edges, black and white striped tights and gloves, and tons of movie themed jewelry. She wore commando boots, and a striped scarf, as well.

"Kvetha Fricaya, my fellow survivor! I see the bell has tolled for you!" She sang happily. Columbus just stared at her. He had no idea what she was talking about. Noting the look on his face, she sighed.

"Means 'Hi' in Eragon speak, and I was referencing one of my favorite Metallica songs, silly."

"Oh…"

"So, you just gonna stand there, or what?"

"Oh, um, well, I guess I'll take you to see my friends, if you want." She nodded happily at that. Columbus noticed that she wore purple cat ears. She got off the toilet, then tripped and knocked Columbus to the ground. She landed directly on top of him, and something purple fell out of her eye. It bounced off his face to the ground.

"Damn contacts! I will rule you!" she screamed, then calmly picked it up, putting it back in her blue eye. The door burst open, revealing Tallahassee, who valiantly held a Twinkie.

"Columbo, look what I-" he looked at the two people on the floor, getting a devious look in his eyes.

"Oh, I see, you're busy at the moment." he said, shutting the door. Columbus groaned at the idea of Tallahassee holding this against him. Just so long as he didn't say anything to Wichita, though, he was okay. The girl got off of him, and ran out the door after Florida. He pulled himself off the ground, wiping his hands on his pants.

He walked outside, to find the girl hugging Tallahassee's waist happily. Then she ran over and hugged Columbus.

"I can't believe I actually found survivors! This is so awesome!" she looked around.

"You guys know what this calls for?" The two guys exchanged glances, then shook their heads.

"Caramelldansen of course!" she began fiddling with her iPod, until she found the song. She put her hands on her head, then started swinging her hips side to side.

"C'mon, guys, you do it too!" she said. Tallahassee shrugged, then started dancing. Columbus blinked, wondering what the hell was going on.

"You too!" she said. He shook his head. She growled, then reached into her pocket, withdrawing a purple gun. She pointed it at his nose.

"I _said_ Caramelldanse."

Columbus Caramelldansed.

When the song ended, they headed back to the Hummer. Tallahassee happily ate his Twinkie, and Columbus tried to keep his distance from the newcomer.

"So, what're you guys names?" she asked.

"I'm Columbus Ohio, and he's Tallahassee Florida."

"Oookay."

"We call each other by the names of the place we're heading, or are from." he explained.

"Ooooh, I get it now. Well, then, I guess I'm Cape Hatteras." she said.

"So, you want us to call you Hatteras?"

"No, moron, call me Cape."

"Okay, Cape it is." she nodded, and climbed into the front seat with Tallahassee. Columbus sat in the back.

"So, Tally, what're we going to listen to?"

"What did you just call me?"

"Tally. It's your new nickname." Tallahassee looked at Columbus.

"What's his nickname?"

"Bunny."

Tallahassee burst out into laughter. The boy glared at him, cheeks red.

"Hey, just wait till she meets Wichita and Little Rock…wonder what she'll call them?" Florida wondered.

"Who're they? Are they you're pets?"

"…no. Wichita is Columbus's girlfriend, and Little Rock's her sister."

"Oh. Do any of you have pets?"

"Naw."

Cape looked like she might start crying for a second, but then started messing with her iPod again. She started playing 'I Gotta Feeling' by the Black Eyed Peas. She sang along to it perfectly, bobbing her head, causing one of her cat ears to fall out. She clipped it back on, then went back to singing.

Tallahassee pulled into the Walmart parking lot, being sure to hit a few zombies, of course. They all pulled out their guns, then headed into the once big business store. They found the sisters looking movies and CD's. Wichita looked up, then nudged Little Rock, pointing at Cape.

"Look at what Columbo found in the bathroom!" said Tallahassee, gesturing to Cape. Wichita smiled at her. Cape, in response, flashed up a peace sign.

"Hi, I'm Cape Hatteras, and I found Bunny and Tally in the Target down the road!" she said, petting Columbus' hair. Wichita snickered at the nicknames.

"Well, I'm Wichita, and this is my sister, Little Rock." Little Rock waved at her. Cape inspected them closely, then pointed a finger at Wichita.

"I'll call you Corn Pops, and I'll call you Pixie." she said. The two exchanged glances, then Wichita nodded.

"Okay, then, what can we call you?"

"Cape."

"No, I meant, like a nickname."

"Cape."

"Uh, okay." They then went back to looking at CD's with the new survivor.

**AN: So, what'd you think?**


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter Two-**

**Accomplishing Nothing**

**AN-I'm introducing two new characters in this chapter! Roanoke, Virginia is from 'Zombieland: Cherish What's Left Over' by Slytherin Queen 1.30. Scotland (Scott), is from Kitty Kat 277's 'Heartless'!**

Columbus stirred from his resting place on the ripped up and blood stained couch. They'd had a surprise attack last night from a zombied eight year old. Not on list of favorite things to do when half asleep. He ran his hand through his curly hair, letting it flop into his face. Sluggishly, he rose and made his way to the kitchen to scour out some food.

He passed by the others who were sprawled out on chairs and mattresses taken from bedrooms. He counted for everyone, then went to the kitchen. He paused for a moment, and walked back into the living room, and counted again. Cape was missing from her spot on the coffee table she'd insisted on sleeping on. He wandered through the house, calling her name. There was no response from her.

He was getting worried now, and shook Wichita awake. She, in response, slapped him in the face and went back to sleep. Columbus sighed, then grabbed his gun and went to the front porch. He opened the door cautiously, stepping out into the winter air. He pulled his hoodie tighter against himself. He was worried that Cape would freeze with that little outfit she'd had on last night.

"Caaaape!" He called. But still nothing. He noted that the car, the doors of which had been left open by the owners, was gone. She must've driven somewhere. Maybe she didn't want to stay with them anymore. He sighed, hoping that wasn't true. It would suck to get a new survivor, only for them to leave again.

He felt something hit him in the back, and yelled as he hit the ground. He turned over, placing a kick in his attacker's chest. They screamed, then the scream burst into wild giggles.

"Bunny, why'd you kick me? I went to a Spencer's! And I found these two there! They're names are Scott and Roanoke!"

Columbus took a moment to process what she was saying, then pushed her off and stood up. He brushed the dirt off his jacket. An orange-haired woman, and a man in a cloak stood chuckling across the yard. He waved at them, and they headed over.

Cape picked herself off the ground, and smiled at him proudly, placing her hands on her hips. He shook his head.

"Hey, Roanoke. Hey, Scott. I see you've met our newest survivor, Cape Hatteras."

"Actually, it's Ca- Hey! You know them?"

"Yeah. The girl is Tallahassee's girlfriend, Roanoke Virginia. The guy is a survivor who's heading to Scotland."

Cape looked dejected at this.

"B-but, I thought I'd found two awesome survivors all by my self!" She threw herself onto the ground again and sobbed, whilst kicking and punching the ground.

Columbus looked to his friends.

"So, uh, did you find anything exciting in the mall?"

"Negative." said Roanoke.

"Nothing." Scott growled.

"But, the kitty on the ground kicked some MAJOR zombie ass!"

Cape jumped up, and started dancing around.

"I was all-" She kicked the air. "And then I went like this-" She mimed firing a gun. "And then, I punched one's head off like this!" She punched a tree, and jumped back, yowling in pain. Scott muttered something about television and NCIS, and went into the house.

Tallahassee passed him in the doorway, then spotted Roanoke and wrapped her in an embrace, kissing her fully on the lips. She smiled, taking his hat and placing it on her carrot colored hair.

"Hey, Carrot Top. Have any fun with Scott while you were gone?"

She chuckled.

"Naw, Talla, I was too busy dreaming about you."

He smiled, then turned to the others.

"So what's the plan for today?"

"I wanna watch a movie!" exclaimed Cape, jumping up and down.

"A…movie…" repeated Columbus.

"Yes! I wanna go see something about ninjas! Or wizards!"

"…you DO realize that you need other people to make the movie actually WORK, right?"

"Yep. That's what you're for!" Columbus did a face palm, and Roanoke snorted.

"Maybe we'll go see one after we wash all this blood off ourselves." She said. Cape clapped, and her hand went to her iPod. Roanoke, curious as she was about what the girl would pick to listen to, went inside to shower, with Tallahassee offering to get in with her. Columbus followed, beckoning for the black haired girl to come with him. She waved her hand at him, focusing intently on the music player.

He walked into the living room, and flopped onto the couch next to Scott. He looked at the bashed up television, then at Scott, then back at the television. He shifted a little bit.

"Sooo…"

Scott shushed him, then stared at the television.

"Scott the TV's not even on."

"Quiet…this is one of the best parts…"

Columbus frowned, confused. Little Rock walked into the room, yawning, followed by her sister. The boy moved to let Wichita sit next to him, and Little Rock took the floor. They stared at the television, too.

Half an hour later a giggling Roanoke and Tallahassee joined them, along with Cape, who shook her head along with her music. The room was eventually silent.

"This…is so…exciting…" said Roanoke, sounding slightly hypnotized.

Tallahassee's eye twitched slightly. Little Rock snored from the ground. Columbus tapped Scott on the shoulder, but the man didn't respond. He realized that he, along with Little Rock, had fallen asleep. He shook his head.

"How do these people sleep so much?" he asked Tallahassee.

"How do you suck ass so much?"

"Owned." said Roanoke, grinning.

"PWNED!" screamed Cape.

"…that we were…" Roanoke muttered.


End file.
